What is this blog, Empty Calories, about?

Well, like most blogs, it is about the person who is writing it. Me. I'm Christie. Nice to meet you.
 

You know that feeling where you want something, but you're not sure what it is? You can't quite describe what you were hoping when you went shopping for a dress, but you know the ones you tried on disappointed you. You are craving some kind of food, but can't put your finger on it. Your partner-wife-boyfriend-fiance-etc. did exactly what you asked, and yet . . . you didn't end up 100% happy.

I have that feeling all the time.

Often when we don't find or get what we wanted and needed, we substitute things that end up not really fitting the bill. Ever eaten the whole bag of chips because you couldn't decide what you really wanted and needed for dinner? Then you know what I'm talking about. Ever bought something you weren't thrilled with, gotten it home and then let it sit in your closet with the tags on while you kicked yourself for not taking it back and spending the money on it? Yup. Been there.

Almost everyone knows that those chips are empty calories, the soda we are bombarded with, the frozen pizza I crave each week. But I think of Empty Calories as a journal about the whole experience of doing things that dull our sensitivities to the things we need and truly desire and accepting less, while feeling dissatisfied, hungry on real and metaphysical levels, numb, and sometimes out of control. Before I get too heavy with all of that, let me tell you more about me and why I'm doing this.

I have been blessed with many gifts and opportunities, but like a lot of people I spend far more time being dissatisfied with what I don't have than what I do. I have neither a strong metabolism, nor a strong will to resist bagels and frozen yogurt. I have a paycheck that pays the bills and allows me to genuinely do good most days, but the source and efforts behind it doesn't always inspire or excite me. I have a lot of friends and support, but still catch myself flipping through channels instead of being social, or reading something that will make me think.

This blog is my attempt to do a few things. First, I am someone who feels things deeply but sometimes turns to Empty Calories to turn the volume down on my psyche. Sometimes it is necessary, but it is usually not healthy. When I write though, I have some deep seated promise with myself to be honest and dig deep. So I want this to be a vehicle to keep me awake and searching out myself. Second, I have embarked on trying to tackle things that cause me to reach for Empty Calories and deal with those. In this process, I also realized I had to work on reducing the real-and-not-metaphorical empty calories in my life and in my eating habits (At this very moment, my head is saying, "Why don't you just eat some cheese? Isn't cheese a nice thing?"). It's scary to empty out a dark closet, not knowing what you'll find, armed with only a flashlight. What will I feel along the way? What will I be faced with? So, I decided I needed to bring with me some other tools. Honesty, humor, and some perspective seemed like a good start.

Second, I like to analyze things. I like to learn, I like to teach and be taught. Sometimes I can talk about these issues with my friends but I might need a wider circle to not wear on everyone and to get some perspective. In the past, I had a blog that was just whimsical and about whatever I wanted it to be about on that day. It was pretty self-centered, and this one might be too. But it was a place for me to vent, or share, or joke, or make lists. If I wrote anything of substance or emotion, I almost always protected the post choosing a list of people who could see it. I want this to be both more structured and more free. I think it will be healthy to air out bad habits and tendencies, to analyze them, and to keep my focus on the topic of what makes me happy. And why do I, and so many people I know, settle for less when it comes to lots of things? But at the same time, I need to exercise less control as well. I need to not predetermine who will read and what they will take away from it. How else can I really learn and grow?

Finally, I'd love to sincerely say I'm just writing for me and don't care if others read what I have posted, but if that were true I'd just buy a nice notebook and a pen, wouldn't I? We all have that streak of vanity; we all want to be reassured, liked, and validated. And moreover, I need feedback and motivation. A place to be honest if I have slipped into bad habits, so I can let it out, and then let it go. A place to celebrate when I have lost weight or accomplished other healthy milestones.

So welcome! And I'm sorry in advance for any typos, unless of course, they are entertaining typos, and then, enjoy!