Thank you for your interest in the Christie. It's always flattering to be found attractive, funny, and interesting. Before we embark on this period of seeing how we might fit together and enjoy each others company (aka "dating") it would be good for both of us to take a long hard look at ourselves.
I can promise you that I will work to not be needy, demanding, irrational, or manipulative. I also want you to know that I understand that when people try to spend time together, sometimes there are misunderstandings, or even the chance that one or both parties feelings get accidentally hurt. I will work to communicate well, and to work through those hard moments productively and without games, deceptions, or dramas if and when they arise. I acknowledge that I have flaws, and am open to hearing how I can work on them. I ask the same from you.
I will not change who I am for you, but I am interested in being the best version of myself as often as possible. I know I will sometimes fall short of that, but in turn, I know that you will not be perfect. I have high standards, but compassion for humanity's imperfections too.
Now, being a woman in my thirties, this is not my first circus. I expect the same is true for you. This means we have both probably had some bad partners, disappointments, and horrible, soul-maiming experiences. I am so not in the dark about that, and if sharing those stories is something that is important to you, I will listen with tenderness and understanding. I may also need to talk about some of my stories. However, if you have unresolved feelings for your ex or exes, that's a different matter. I will not be your rebound. I will not judge you for your past relationships, or how they were concluded - I know from first hand experiences that when dealing with the complications of two people's feelings we all sometimes do or say things we regret. On the other hand, if those experiences have you left you too wounded to walk upright into another relationship, then let us not burden one another with damaged and diseased expectations carried over from the past. I am not your ex, and I will not do or say the things s/he did or said whether those things were/are good or bad.
Now, a few other matters:
- I believe in God. I do not require that you do (though sharing ideas about God and deeper questions would be nice. Being able to talk about this is important, no matter what you believe). I do require that you are respectful of my beliefs and the beliefs of people I share time with who also believe or worship. You do not have to agree with their beliefs, traditions, or lifestyles but making fun of them or making blanket assumptions is unacceptable. Likewise, if you do believe in God and look down on my friends who don't believe in God, that is also bad form. They have values and beliefs and are my friends because they are good, generous, lovely, funny, intelligent people.
- I believe in marriage, so if you are married, please move along. You are free to re-apply if your circumstances change and your marriage ends. Formally. Officially. For good. For reals.
- In that vein, I believe in marriage between any two consenting adults. My best examples of what healthy marriage can be come from two same sex couples. So, while we may differ in our opinions about many political or philosophical positions, you are kidding yourself if you think telling me "gay marriage is wrong" will do anything but cause the beginning of a full-scale war.
- Addicts need not apply. I have the utmost respect for your struggle as an issue of psychological health and as a disease, but if you are not well along the road of recovery, if your problem is still overwhelming to you, you can bet adding another person's feelings and wants to the equation won't help.
- I have issues, you have issues, we all have issues. I try not to blame anyone for mine, and have a lot of affection for anyone who has the self-awareness and sense of personal responsibility enough to take charge of theirs.
- Lying - let's not.
- Cheating. I see no need. Isn't it better to break up with someone instead of adding someone else in, secretly? Ewww. I'm an adult about this, you can be too and if you can't, we're not a good match.
- Secrets. I don't have them. I may not tell you everything-everything-everything all the time each and every day but I won't hide anything from you and will answer any questions you ask. I'd ask to have the same consideration from you.
- Physical attraction. Ummm, it's important. On the other hand, I'm not a model and I don't need you to be.
- As to relationship status, and "where we are at," I think it's important to communicate about it. I don't date casually, but I also don't think this means we'll be moving in right away. I don't want a friend with benefits, to be sure, so if you do, please head to the neighborhood bar for a quickie. On the other hand, I'm a bit cautious before diving in all the way. I don't want to take a leap off the cliff and then find myself in the water alone.
- I am extremely loyal and will be there for you if you let me. If you are someone who plans to leave when difficulty strikes in my life, to walk out during a time when I'm dealing with something else major, or who can't handle ever making a commitment then please, for both our sakes, find companionship with someone who has not already done that in their life. You can be THEIR lesson. I don't need another one in that category.
- I have my own life, and my own friends. Of course I'd like to share that with you, but some things are going to be "my" things (getting pedicures with my mom comes to mind), and I expect you will have things that you do without me too. I do not have velcro on my hip for you to attach to.
- I like a lot of music, but country and I aren't quite friends yet. Just so you know. Also, I hate all scotch, bourbon, and whiskey. This will not change. :)
Finally, it's nice to meet you. Please be yourself, and be honest about what you want. It really will save us from investing time we end up wanting back. I'm done with with games, words that are not backed up with actions, and with having people take more than they give. If you are too, then a cup of coffee would be great. Thanks for your application!
All the best,
Christie
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