on the road again

I am on the road a lot. Normally I spend about 10 hours a week in my car. In September that usually goes up to about 12-14 hours a week. This year, because I am doing extra jobs and part of opening a new center I'm looking at being in my car 14-16 hours a week.

I've talked about this before - there are good and bad things about my car time. Today on my drive to the new center I caught up on two work phone calls and listened to some truly stress releasing music. On my drive back, I talked to a wonderful friend who I haven't seen for a long time. I have plans to see her in two months and we're so excited. Since the last time we were together, she created a whole new person in her family!! (As a fun sidenote: the was the surrogate sister of my ex-fiance. I feel truly lucky that when that relationship went south, she worked to maintain a friendship with both parties. And when he didn't reciprocate . . . she and her family just kept me!!)

The downsides to my car time are truly bummers. For one thing, almost every drive I make for work is 60-90 minutes. I drink about 90 - 100 oz of water a day so I have to pee every 90 - 120 minutes. You can do the math on how that works with my drives. I get killer farmer's tan. I lose all kinds of time and plans to traffic. But, hands down, worst of all is what it does to me and eating.

In the ideal world of losing weight, people schedule three meals two or three small snacks a day trying to spread them out across their waking hours trying to put more calories  into the first half of the day and then taper off in the second half. So, like for me, I'm usually awake for 16-18 hours. I need to eat within 15 minutes of getting up because of my hypoglycemia. So, a good schedule for me would be:

Hour one - breakfast of yogurt, oatmeal, V8 and/or hard boiled egg, lots of water
Hour two - herbal tea
Hour three - small snack (piece of fruit, almonds), lots of water
Hour four - water and/or diet soda
Hour six - Lunch (tuna, sashimi, leftover kale salad or brussel sprouts, maybe a lowfat string cheese; lots of protein and veggies with . . . you guessed it, lots of water)
Hour seven - mint water (it's my way of making myself feel like I got something really good, while also staying hydrated)
Hour eight or nine - small snack and/or protein shake, lots of water
Hour ten - lots of water and/or diet soda
Hour eleven or twelve - small dinner = all veggies and protein, lots of water
Hour fourteenish - very small snack, lots of water

This seems like it's so reasonable and easy, yes?

No.

How my life really goes is so much weirder than this. I get up, eat the first half of my breakfast. These days because I've been getting so used to getting up eeeeeaaaa-heeaaaaarly I either then go walking, or go into the office to get some emails done. Then in hour twoish I eat the second half of my breakfast. I still drink a metric shit-ton of water. Then I have to shower fast and get some more work done. Then I have to shove a bunch of stuff in my messenger bag, throw all my stuff in my gym bag, and pack between 50-70 oz of water. Often, if I have a meeting somewhere around 1 to 2pm I have to drive during lunch. Then I work for the next 4 hours or so, and then get to drive some more, go to the gym, eat dinner too late, catch up on more emails, and then fall asleep while watching or reading something. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Plus, the road has other hazards. There are Starbucks (and when they introduced cupcakes, that became a place of doom. Plus, now it is Pumpkin Latte season. Danger Will Robinson!), bagel places, places that sell really good fried food, gas stations with candy bars . . . it's all out there. Over and over and over I drive down the road.

It's far too easy to fall into that trap. And there are almost no good choices on the road, or if there are, you have to work really hard to get at them. There are salads, but they often don't have protein. There is protein, but it is often of a dubious source, or fried. And everywhere, everywhere lurks cheaper, more convenient sources of corn syrup and carbs.

So, I'm trying really hard to master the fine art of eating lunch in my car. But, this chic hasn't eaten at a McDonald's or Burger King in more than 12 years (which made driving across the country 3+ years ago REALLY interesting, I'll tell you). And I'm not going to start now when I'm trying really hard to eat healthier and lose weight. My new quest is to find the perfect healthy lunch en route.

So far, the best I've done is to cut a grilled chicken breast into strips (like chicken fingers, but not fried), put some cherry tomatoes into a bag, cut up some raw broccoli or cauliflower and put all of it in a rectangle tuperware with a small cup of low cal dressing. I drive, and dip. I think it's legal. At least, it's less dangerous than driving and texting.

It's also far less dangerous for me than what is out there. So, yes, it's another bag to carry, in addition to the gym bag, the work bag, the purse, and the 50-70 oz of water, I've now added lunch and a baggy full of snacks (snap peas, almonds, and protein shakes anyone? I'm always strapping).

This is hard. It's really hard. I want to eat normal things like a normal person. I want to decide to get a bagel sandwich. I want to not have to second guess myself. But, I want to be thinner faster more than I want those things. I want new habits and the ability to trust myself more even than clothes in smaller sizes. So, I'll live with the greasy fingers, the need to keep paper towels in my car, and flossing in a parking lot to get rid of the little broccoli pieces that like to take up residence.

I also know that it's not completely possible to keep the world out by structuring everything. Sometimes, in the moment, I want that pumpkin latte more than I want anything else. And I also know that real people who wear clothes four sizes smaller than me also give into the Pumpkin Latte (or popcorn, or Cheezits, or donut) occasionally. With that in mind, I too have to be able to eat those things, but then be a normal person and not keep eating, well . . . everything.

This isn't about controlling everything. It is about keeping things in check where I can. I learned a tough lesson going from my Seattle trip straight into being on the road and a business trip last week. I did GREAT on vacation with exercise and eating and then came back and was thrown into a see of business lunches and dinners out with my boss. ACK! It wasn't good, and even though I still fought for time to exercise, my weight crept up. Like, in a matter of hours. I mean days, of course, but not very many days. 3 days. 72 hours. It went by so fast. I was so tired, and so not in the driver's seat in either the rental car in Salt Lake City, or metaphorically. So, if we ended up at a steak house, that's where we ended up.

I have to be a normal person who does those things and then still goes running. I have to be able to eat a piece of bread and not fall all to pieces. I have to be able to be social and allow the dinner to be about business, not about my incredibly difficult eating. So, I went to the steak house. I ate the bread. And then I went running.

So, I have to be a normal person, yes, but I have to get to normal. Right now that means taking advantage of the times that I can control things, and setting that structure so I can learn a new normal. That means that I have to make choices ahead of time whenever I can. And here, in Colorado, even if my schedule is insane, I can. So I do. And I did. Chicken and broccoli tomorrow! Yaaaaaaaaaaayyy!