walking in the mornings

Remember this post where I talked about all the walking I did in Seattle? Well, it wasn't something I was ready to give up, so I have been fighting to find time to walk a few mornings a week. Last week, on my one day in Colorado between Seattle and Utah, this meant getting up at 5:30am in the rain. On Thursday, I got to the airport early so that in addition to walking through security and to my gate, I had time to walk the entire terminal (with all my shit on my back! Sherpa!) so that I was walking continuously for 30 minutes before my flight. On Saturday it meant hopping into some sneakers and walking for a quick 30 minutes before my hair appointment, and then being OK with not washing my hair and wearing a baseball cap. This morning, I had this awesome plan. Since I have to pick up a rental car today (company policy about mileage vs. rentals given driving a certain distance in one day), and since I have learned that the only way to have good rental selection is to be there between 7:15 and 8:15am I had to be up early anyways (which is always super awesome, because rental car days are the days I drive longer distances and work even later. Sigh) I thought I'd get 30-45 minutes of walking in first thing.and the rental place is near the creek path I used to live on, so I parked in a visitor spot and then . . . realized that there's been tons of construction going on over there and I kind of had to off-road it and hoof it up a hill to GET to the path. So worth it though.

I am trying really hard to walk for 30-45 minutes three times a week as well as going to at least one Bar Method class a week in addition to my assigned cardio and resistance workouts and my 1-2 hours of swimming each week. For most of my friends, they can lose or maintain weight and gain muscle by working out three days a week for an hour or an hour and a half, maybe actually sweating 4-5 hours a week.If I do my assigned 5 hours a week (which is not assigned as time as much as it is assigned as tasks. "Do this resistance workout," or "your cardio is to run X amount"), it's not enough

What I'm finding out is that if I do just what my trainer gives me, it adds up to 5-6 hours a week, and then with the swimming, I'm up around 7-8 hours. But my body is different. I take steroids as part of my "maintenance" program for asthma (year round, 365 days . . . not when I'm sick), and this conspires with my hypoglycemia and other endocrine issues and the damaging effects of stress and cortisol on weight and before you know it, I'm killing myself to lose .5 pounds each week. It's just not satisfying to give up everything, and fight back the food cravings and addictive tendencies, and work out 5-6 hours a week with the best possible result being half a pound loss. And then, of course, it starts eating away at me on the inside and I don't want to try so hard. I want to say, "Screw it! Why shouldn't I have pizza?"

My sister and I were talking at some point in the last year about how hard I have to work to be this fat (my word, not hers!) but not get fatter and I said, "If I wasn't willing to work this hard, I would be the 400 pound woman that has to be cut out of her house." It sounds like an exaggeration, but I think there's real truth to it. I work really hard to be one of the heaviest people I know, and that gets emotionally hard to maintain. So, I'm tacking some extras on.

Now, of course I also know people who train waaaaa-hhaaay harder than me. I have one brother who completes triathalons and does yoga like a pro, and another who runs 15-30 miles a week, goes to jujitsu 2-5 times a week, as well as lifting. They do hours and hours of training each day. They also have like 4% body fat, and that is not my goal. Not only would that be unrealistic for me, it's not what I want. I want to feel I can build a lifestyle of "eating right" (which of course means discovering what that is for me, since it is different for everyone) and enjoying exercise, maintain a healthy weight to within 5 pounds of that goal point, and still be able to be social when friends are going out. I want to shop more easily. I want to look good in jeans. I want to like myself more, not be model-skinny.

So, I got up and walked. Everyone else, I'm sure, wonders why I didn't just get up and run, and get that out of the way. Well, for one, then I would run this morning, think, "Oh good, that's done," and then not do extra. It would then be my cardio assignment from my trainer, not my challenge to myself to do more. The bigger issue is that I can wake up early drink some water, eat a yogurt and go walking. I cannnot do the same with running. Running burns more calories than walking does and as a hypoglycemic, I wake up "in the hole" with my blood sugar. If I eat, and then run within the hour, I'm often not only deeper in hypoglycemic debt, I'm sick from it, making it take longer for me to eat, drink, and rest enough to feel like a human being again.

I can do it, but it takes an enormous amount of planning, and getting up even earlier. I did it in Utah, in fact, on Friday. I knew we had a day of meetings and travel planned, and that if I was going to get one of my assigned runs or resistance workouts in, I'd have to do it before I met my supervisor for breakfast. But this meant that I had to have a breakfast before that breakfast with him (protein shake, lots of water, apple, 4 crackers) and time to digest it so that there was enough raw goods for my body to work with. I got up at 4:30. It was appalling.

The other issue with getting my "real" cardio out of the way in the mornings is that the normal foot cramps I get at any time I'm running are intensified in the mornings to the point of make me want to lay down and die. I think this may be because I'm not as well hydrated in the morning after a night of sleep than I am in the evening after a day of drinking 100 oz of water. Whatever the case, I was limping for the rest of the morning on Friday, and I know I was that crazy person talking to herself on the treadmill. I was mumbling something like, "You don't have to like it, just have to do it. Finish strong. Doesn't have to be fast, just don't be last. Picture the zombie. Run from the zombie. " It was not a pretty sight, and honestly, not one of my better runs. (Not that any of them are awesome, but some are better than others.) I get those foot cramps walking in the morning too, but not nearly as badly!

Finally, I hates running. I hates it, precious! I like walking. I like seeing how beautiful Colorado is at sunrise. I like de-stressing and getting my head on straight before I have to interact with people, do my job, or make any hard decisions. So, for now, I'm trying for 60-90 minutes of walking in addition to my "assignments" plus swimming, and one class a week if I can swing it.

Pros, so far:

• I've been feeling more motivated about exercise, in general. Like almost to a "exercise is fun!" kinda place. I'm going to try really hard not to become too much like an aerobics, "Ok, everyone, let's turn it up!" kinda girl.
• Being able to take home some of the good-Christie feelings from Seattle has worked so far
• There isn't less stress in my life, certainly. This is my busiest month at work, I'm starting up with my incredibly scary-but-in-a-good-way singing class again, and obviously dealing with some relationship sadness and quandries. But I feel less strung out
• When I woke up this morning, I had this glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, sleepily, "Thin." Full disclosure, it was 5:50 am, I had no glasses on, and surely it was some kind of visual illusion born of tiredness and the flattering exercise pants I wear but having that thought about myself, even for a sleepy moment, was pretty cool.

Cons, so far

• I suck at getting up early and doing things with that time. I know I will mess up this schedule at some point and have to fight not to turn that into a slippery slope
• I am missing sleep - about 60-90 minutes of it every time I work a walk or a Bar Method class in. Right now I'm not more tired though, I'm actually more energetic. So, right now I'm just missing the comfort and cozy of sleep. I love to sleep.
• I am getting fidgety when sitting at work. I was having a hard time at all of the sit-down meetings and lunches I was in in Utah. Sitting still for too long has become un-fun for me. In the long run, wanting to be more active and less sedentary is a good thing, but right now it's a little annoying and distracting for me when I'm trying to focus.
  

 So, it's not a case of which one is better for me; walking or running? They are both good for me in different ways and for now, at least, this is the best way to work them both in.

In other news, I think I am going to try an start posting milestones such as changes in measurements, clothes in different sizes, resolve to walk away from cravings, weight lost, and other good changes in my life. Just have to figure out how to format the blog to do that.