And so it is also true that I had a mini-panic attack last night. Suddenly, while sitting in the living room surrounded by fabulous people, I couldn't maintain "being ok." I decided to not NOT be ok in a way that made other people deal with it so I escaped upstairs for 10 minutes and sat in the dark. I was trying to breathe and slow everything down, but the opposite happened and everything started to speed up and feel scarier and huger. Luckily one of my two best friends found me and stopped the madness.
But, despite all of this, I am trying to not let these hard moments, difficult decisions, disappointments and anxieties define what I did accomplish this year. I did a lot of good stuff this year. I gave a lot, I discovered a lot, I worked on important things, and I have a lot to be proud of. It often takes me some time after the new year to carefully consider and design my New Year's resolutions. I always want my goals to be achievable, and to have, if not a deadline, a definite way of telling if they have been met. So, don't expect to see that post for at least a week. In the meantime, here is a recounting of 2011.
- I got out of my knee braces after a year (and then rejoiced because I could wear normal clothes again!)
- I was able to bring the level of my work outs higher than where it left off when my knees were injured and lift some serious weights
- I started running
- I actually achieved treating my workouts like a priority. This is huge for me since I typically treat gym time as a "have to/don't want to"
- I saw a dietician and between her and my trainer started cleaning up my eating and accountability issues with food
- I started praying again and trying to reconnect with God. This is definitely an "in progress" type thing for me.
- I helped a friend learn how to swim, and in the process got so much more than I gave - inspiration, the chance to be part of her accomplishment, a deeper friendship with someone amazing, a structure to help support my need to get up and workout on Saturday morngings, and a chance to learn a lot from how she meets her goals
- Broke a facebook rule and made a great new friend because of it
- Reconnected with another old friend and got really close
- Stood up for myself and the people I worked with at my job
- Learned to poach eggs
- Took a class on not only singing solo but leading a band in performance and then sang on stage with the band!
- Took responsibility for my needs and broke up with my boyfriend.
- Have managed, so far, to stay friends with him and still give him support.
- Took responsibility for my part in an unfortunate misunderstanding with a friend and patched up our friendship
- Went back to therapy (while some might see this as sad news, I see it as good news that I was ready to work on myself and start thinking about ways to improve my life)
- Started eating meat again! Aiieeeee! ( I still have some distance to go on cooking it but I've had bacon, chicken, duck, turkey, ham, pork tenderloin, burgers, and beef tenderloin so that's pretty solid for a 12 year recovering vegetarian)
- Started this blog. Was amazed at how much it resonated with people. (Surely I am not that interesting?!) Was even more fascinated by how much there is to learn about myself via writing about . . . me. So narcissistic, so weirdly helpful.
To be full-on faithful to the mission of accountability and self-improvement, I should check this list against my goals and resolutions for 2011and see how I measure up. But for now, I'm going to rest on these laurels. I'm also going to stop typing since I managed, in the final 4 hours of my benefits, to chop part of my finger off last night.
No comments:
Post a Comment