1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
Dictionary Definition: Confidence - noun
1. a feeling of trust in a person or thing: I have confidence in his abilities
2. belief in one's own abilities; self-assurance
3. trust or a trustful relationship: take me into your confidence
4. something confided or entrusted; secret
5. in confidence, as a secret
So, I went on a date last night. Let me just say that dating in general is pretty strange for me. And if you had asked me 5 years ago what dating would look like for me in my mid-30's I would have . . . well, first I would have shook my head, bewildered and thought, "Ummm, I won't be dating 5 years from now. I will be done with all of that by then." But I also wouldn't have predicted that dating in my mid-30's is surprising in that the things that were complicated when I was dating in my 20's have completely evaporated, and yet, there are things about being a real grown up that make dating really, really intriguingly not simple. I'm no longer running around drunk with a crew of friends, making out with inappropriate people, but I'm also subject to scrutiny on parts of my life that were never discussed in the dating situations I was in 5 years ago. It's pretty fascinating.
Add to it all that at this moment when I'm out being social, date or not, the typical getting-to-know you questions still apply. Someone always, always asks, "So, what do you do?" My first taste of this was at my annual New Year's gathering where a lovely new friend said, "So, what do you do?" and I leaned forward and slyly said," So glad you asked! I'm unemployed as of a week ago!" He's a smartie, that one, and said, "Let me re-phrase - what were you doing around Thanksgiving?" Chortle.
I have many potential answers to this question stored in my head. "I am currently a human resources specialist - my specialty is trying to find a match between my human resources and a job." " I am a professional interviewee." "I've gotten REALLY good at keeping up with my laundry." "I am a house-non-wife." "I work from home." In practice, I try not to be sarcastic. In this situation, that would make it seem as if I was spackling over some bitterness or fear, neither of which I feel too often. But, those answers all do run through my head when someone asks the inevitable, because I'm aware that there are assumptions about the unemployed that could be made. I don't necessarily assume that people are assuming those things about me and my unemployment, but I do know that there are people who might assume I got fired for cause, am lazy, did something wrong in order to be in this position, etc.
So, while on this date last night I found myself discussing my unemployment and trying not to sound too rainbows-and-butterflies while honestly saying how good it has been for me. He seemed to buy it so I was able to say, "You know, I have scary moments, but a lot fewer of them these days. I have a lot of faith that this was for a reason and that I'll be employed doing something interesting soon." He answered, commenting, "Is it that you have faith, or that you have confidence in your abilities being able to land you a job soon?" I could have taken that almost rhetorically, but because this life change has been so immense, so moving, and so eye-opening in areas of my life I couldn't have predicted as I was being let go on December 20th, it was important to me to say, "I do have confidence. But for me, right now, it really is that I have faith. I have a real feeling, with each interview, that I can see the picture of what is coming starting to form and that whatever it is is arriving soon."
My favorite explanation of faith actually comes from the Bible - go figure! I know! - which is not really usually my deal.
"faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
I'm interested that in the dictionary definitions for both faith and confidence the words trust and belief are used. (As a linguist, I've often taught undergrads that when thinking about the dictionary in the brain, or the lexicon, it's not enough to consider only a word's definition, because all words are defined in terms of other words. It becomes circular very quickly. So, there's a lot of evidence that suggests that there is a LOT of other information filed in that internal database.) And I'm not that surprised that faith uses the word confidence to describe it.
I struggle with faith, as you all certainly know.
I have confidence or trust in people and things, as well as my own confidence in my abilities or the abilities of others. I have have confidence that if you give people enough time and opportunity, they will show you their good side. I believe that the sun will rise, and have confidence in it. I also know I have strengths and weaknesses, and that combined with my experience and education it means I am marketable and that I can join an organization and perform well. I have complete trust that I could make a successful survival plan to withstand a zombie apocalypse. But that's not it
I have a belief in God, if not always a strong grasp on particular teachings or doctrines of religion. But that's not it.
I do have a belief in a code of ethics and standard of ethics. I believe that people are more important than things, and that love is something you give and show, not just say or feel. I believe that morals and principles are nothing if actions are inconsistent with them. I believe that most, if not all, giving is not purely altruistic - I believe the giver is also getting something they need. And for me, that's because God designed it that way - that our emotions would reward us for caring for each other. So, for me, I also believe that ignoring suffering erodes that intended connection. I believe in being loyal, and honest, and having the courage of my convictions. I believe my learning these lessons, and others, is ongoing and lifelong. I believe that people (and by people I mean ME) are imperfect and make mistakes, and so I believe in forgiveness, even though this is an area I am especially imperfect in. But that's not it either.
So, I went on a date last night. Let me just say that dating in general is pretty strange for me. And if you had asked me 5 years ago what dating would look like for me in my mid-30's I would have . . . well, first I would have shook my head, bewildered and thought, "Ummm, I won't be dating 5 years from now. I will be done with all of that by then." But I also wouldn't have predicted that dating in my mid-30's is surprising in that the things that were complicated when I was dating in my 20's have completely evaporated, and yet, there are things about being a real grown up that make dating really, really intriguingly not simple. I'm no longer running around drunk with a crew of friends, making out with inappropriate people, but I'm also subject to scrutiny on parts of my life that were never discussed in the dating situations I was in 5 years ago. It's pretty fascinating.
Add to it all that at this moment when I'm out being social, date or not, the typical getting-to-know you questions still apply. Someone always, always asks, "So, what do you do?" My first taste of this was at my annual New Year's gathering where a lovely new friend said, "So, what do you do?" and I leaned forward and slyly said," So glad you asked! I'm unemployed as of a week ago!" He's a smartie, that one, and said, "Let me re-phrase - what were you doing around Thanksgiving?" Chortle.
I have many potential answers to this question stored in my head. "I am currently a human resources specialist - my specialty is trying to find a match between my human resources and a job." " I am a professional interviewee." "I've gotten REALLY good at keeping up with my laundry." "I am a house-non-wife." "I work from home." In practice, I try not to be sarcastic. In this situation, that would make it seem as if I was spackling over some bitterness or fear, neither of which I feel too often. But, those answers all do run through my head when someone asks the inevitable, because I'm aware that there are assumptions about the unemployed that could be made. I don't necessarily assume that people are assuming those things about me and my unemployment, but I do know that there are people who might assume I got fired for cause, am lazy, did something wrong in order to be in this position, etc.
So, while on this date last night I found myself discussing my unemployment and trying not to sound too rainbows-and-butterflies while honestly saying how good it has been for me. He seemed to buy it so I was able to say, "You know, I have scary moments, but a lot fewer of them these days. I have a lot of faith that this was for a reason and that I'll be employed doing something interesting soon." He answered, commenting, "Is it that you have faith, or that you have confidence in your abilities being able to land you a job soon?" I could have taken that almost rhetorically, but because this life change has been so immense, so moving, and so eye-opening in areas of my life I couldn't have predicted as I was being let go on December 20th, it was important to me to say, "I do have confidence. But for me, right now, it really is that I have faith. I have a real feeling, with each interview, that I can see the picture of what is coming starting to form and that whatever it is is arriving soon."
My favorite explanation of faith actually comes from the Bible - go figure! I know! - which is not really usually my deal.
"faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
I'm interested that in the dictionary definitions for both faith and confidence the words trust and belief are used. (As a linguist, I've often taught undergrads that when thinking about the dictionary in the brain, or the lexicon, it's not enough to consider only a word's definition, because all words are defined in terms of other words. It becomes circular very quickly. So, there's a lot of evidence that suggests that there is a LOT of other information filed in that internal database.) And I'm not that surprised that faith uses the word confidence to describe it.
I struggle with faith, as you all certainly know.
I have confidence or trust in people and things, as well as my own confidence in my abilities or the abilities of others. I have have confidence that if you give people enough time and opportunity, they will show you their good side. I believe that the sun will rise, and have confidence in it. I also know I have strengths and weaknesses, and that combined with my experience and education it means I am marketable and that I can join an organization and perform well. I have complete trust that I could make a successful survival plan to withstand a zombie apocalypse. But that's not it
I have a belief in God, if not always a strong grasp on particular teachings or doctrines of religion. But that's not it.
I do have a belief in a code of ethics and standard of ethics. I believe that people are more important than things, and that love is something you give and show, not just say or feel. I believe that morals and principles are nothing if actions are inconsistent with them. I believe that most, if not all, giving is not purely altruistic - I believe the giver is also getting something they need. And for me, that's because God designed it that way - that our emotions would reward us for caring for each other. So, for me, I also believe that ignoring suffering erodes that intended connection. I believe in being loyal, and honest, and having the courage of my convictions. I believe my learning these lessons, and others, is ongoing and lifelong. I believe that people (and by people I mean ME) are imperfect and make mistakes, and so I believe in forgiveness, even though this is an area I am especially imperfect in. But that's not it either.
I do not, as the 5th definition says, have a system of religious belief such as the Christian faith or the Jewish faith. (I know a lot about both, and some other faiths and traditions and practices for good measure, but finding the right fit for me has never been about how much I know. I'm still wrestling with this one - stick a pin in it because it's coming soon to this blog!) So, that is definitely not it.
Closest to what I feel is the definition in number 2 - belief that is not based on proof. But that seems so . . . clinical and incomplete. I have a belief that is the substance of things hoped for, and and the evidence of things not seen. My faith is somehow the proof that things are happening the way they are supposed to. It wasn't my plan to be single and unemployed, all at once. (It was within a month of each other, not 5 minutes, but to me, it felt that way). It also doesn't seem like an accident to me. If it hadn't happened that way, I wouldn't have made those changes. It's like . . . I needed the rug ripped out from underneath me in order to see how nice the floor was without it.
I am not someone who often talks about or recognizes faith. We're not close friends, faith and I and are often wary with one another. So, the fact of my unwavering faith right now is the proof I need that something good is happening here.
I am someone who usually fights so hard with self-blame, guilt, and beating myself up. And what that often, too often, translates into is that I hold onto things for too long. And I make myself miserable with it. So, it also doesn't feel like coincidence to me that so very quickly I was able to see my breakup and my job loss as positives. I'm not saying I haven't worked hard to take ownership of moving on, and I won't ever discount the help I've gotten from my friends, but I also can't deny that it's not NORMAL for potentially difficult things to make me . . . happy.
So, I have confidence, I have belief, and I have help, all of which I'm grateful for, but I also have faith that things are happening according to plan, even if it's not mine.
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